After the island
by FrankieQuinn13
Summary: Piggy survives the fall. Fifteen years later, the boys haven't quite gotten over all the things they went through. Slash


**A/N: I read this book a really long time ago, I think I was like eleven or something, but it seriously broke my heart when Piggy died, so I wrote a story where he doesn't die.**

 **I also made it a slash fic, because even before I became aware of yaoi and slash, I still caught all of those sexual connotations Golding used in the book. Seriously, I could be wrong, but there's no way a twelve year old boy would pay that much attention to another's body without it meaning something right?**

 **Apologies spelling, grammar and OOCness**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Flies or any of its characters**

Piggy survived the fall.

Apparently the boulder that Roger sent tumbling towards him hadn't hit the boy as hard as it could have and the portly boy was just sent tumbling down off the cliff. Mind you it was still quite a fall and Piggy is incredibly lucky to still be alive, especially after the waves took his unconscious body away out to sea. But thankfully the boy had luck on his side as the ship that ended up finding the boys on the island is the very same ship that found Piggy's body drifting out in the waters.

The sailors got to him just in time to pull him from the waves and treat his injuries enough for the voyage back to the nearest town.

As it turned out Piggy's fall is what inevitably led to the boys rescue since the sailors couldn't see how on earth one boy would end up out in the middle of the sea. The clothes he wore were old and worn out but they could still tell that he was British due to his uniform and since they had gotten word of a plane filled with school boys disappearing somewhere over the Atlantic there was no doubt in the captain's mind that this boy must have been one of the boy's on the plane. And if one survived then others must have as well. So they headed out further into the waters where they found Piggy's body until they saw a large amount of smoke coming from an island in the middle of the ocean and found the boys on the beach.

Ralph was relieved when the men arrived, but he was even more relieved when he found out that Piggy wasn't dead, but was simply resting on board the ship.

During the entire trip back to civilization Ralph never left Piggy's side.

He'd felt so lost when Piggy was gone and he was left to fend for himself alone among the savages. Piggy was the voice of reason, the one sane being on the island despite all the ridicule he endured from the other boys, so when Ralph saw him again he stayed right at the portly boy's side. Refusing to move even when the ship's crew members told him to. He was just so terrified of what might happen if he left Piggy again. If the other boy was gone for too long Ralph truly feared the results of what might happen then.

Although he wasn't alone during the trip; Samneric were there too. They seemed to have the same fear that Ralph did.

When it was just them, Ralph and Piggy things were bad but they at least had a little bit of hope. Hope that they might actually make it home so long as they kept the fire going, hope that they wouldn't go completely mad as long as they remembered to stay sane and Piggy was the one keeping all that hope together, without him all of their hope was lost.

But Piggy survived and in a way Piggy saved them, brought them back to civilization just the way the hope he instilled in them promised. So Samneric stuck by Piggy's side just like Ralph did until they got back to land. They didn't speak about what happened after Piggy fell; about how the twins joined the savages and betrayed him all those things were done in desperation, when their one link to sanity was so viciously taken away from them. So they didn't speak of it, they didn't need to, not since Piggy was alive.

When the other boys found out that the portly boy was still alive some of them came in to just see him. The littleuns stayed longest staring in concern and asking if Piggy was alright since Piggy was always so kind to them, the biguns only lingered by the doorway to the room where Piggy slept, Maurice stood there for a moment and asked that they tell Piggy he was sorry once he woke up along with Bill. Jack hadn't shown at all although Ralph hadn't really expected him to. Roger appeared a bit later just before midnight, staring at the unconscious boy with those dark cold emotionless eyes. Ralph shot up from his seat beside the boy as he suddenly filled with rage at the boy who almost became his one true friend's executioner, but Samneric grabbed both his arms and stopped him before he could. They said that Piggy wouldn't want him to, that he couldn't become a savage after Piggy worked so hard to save them, so Ralph reluctantly pulled away and they all went back to sit by Piggy's side all over again.

Roger's eyes filled with rage at being ignored but he didn't say a word, he just turned around and walked away. They aren't on the island anymore, there are adults around so he can't do anything he wants; he's trapped all over again. But at the same time Roger knew that it would only be a matter of time until he lost control again, after getting his first real taste of freedom after having all that power to kill and control others Roger knew that he wouldn't be able to hold out very long.

When they made it back onto shore they were cleaned and dressed to look like proper English boys, Piggy finally woke up asking what happened but at the same time relieved since they were off the island and back with the grown-ups. Apparently he couldn't remember anything after they went to meet with Jack's tribe and Ralph had to tell him about his fall and everything that happened when he was gone. Saying that the boy was shocked would've been an understatement and he made sure he stayed far away from Roger while they waited to be taken home. Not that he was ever left alone in that time either. Samneric stayed tucked in close to the portly boy's sides never even leaving him alone to go to the bathroom. Ralph stayed close as well, but couldn't really talk to Piggy the way he wanted to with the twins sticking so close.

The next day they were sent out back onto a new plane, much to their dismay.

The littluns cried and screamed when they were taken aboard and the biguns looked just as scared even if they didn't say anything. Jack Merridew was completely silent during the flight although Ralph is sure he caught the boy sobbing into Maurice's shoulder about an hour into the flight.

They had two stops to make, at the first one most of the littleuns were dropped off and Ralph got to watch as they were greeted by their families, with sobbing mothers and teary fathers wrapping them in warm hugs. At the second stop the plane was completely emptied and they were all forced to go their separate ways. Samneric were more than just a little bit reluctant to say goodbye to Piggy, but when their parents arrived to get them it almost seemed as if all their fears melted away and they broke down sobbing and crying until their parents ushered them away.

Piggy's aunt was there and Ralph got to meet her. During a tear-filled reunion with her nephew the woman suddenly noticed the fair-haired boy and asked if he was alright with such warmth and compassion that Ralph finally broke as well, she pulled both boys in for a warm hug and Ralph held on tight. She's all Piggy ever spoke of; Ralph is sure that if it weren't for her, none of them would have survived. Ralph expressed his gratitude towards the woman and she pressed a kiss against his forehead before pulling away. Ralph and Piggy said their goodbyes and he watched as the portly boy and his auntie left the airport.

When Ralph looked up he found Jack staring at him, with such a strange look on his face but Ralph barely had time to interpret that look before he caught sight of his mother and ran to meet her, not caring of his manners as he jumped up to hug his mother and wrap his arms around her tightly while she hugged him back.

That was all fifteen years ago and in that time a lot has happened.

Ralph went home and got back to school in an attempt to at least try to pick up the shattered pieces of his life, but the wounds both physical and psychological he got while he was on the island ran deep and he wasn't able to shake off the memories from the time he spent there. Ralph would have night terrors sometimes or he just wouldn't be able to sleep at all on others. His mother grew quite worried about him and after the second month after he went home she had him go to a psychologist so he could work through the trauma and eventually things got better.

He made friends at school and tried to move on with his life. Went to college, studied and became an accountant. When he was younger he'd wanted to become a fighter pilot just like his father, but after everything that happened on the island… Ralph just didn't think he'd be able to handle all the violence. His psychologist had suggested teaching but Ralph couldn't stomach the idea of teaching young children, after seeing firsthand what children were capable of all those years ago, he knew he wouldn't be able to stand it. He dated a few girls here and there but nothing ever really stuck so he spent most days alone or with close friends.

It was three years ago when he ran into Sam, at the grocery store of all places. He and Eric had just moved there with Piggy a few months before and shared an apartment just a few blocks away from the store. Apparently after the twins went home they were enrolled into a new school, the same one that Piggy went to coincidentally and they haven't been apart since.

Ralph went over to visit many times in the next few years. It was an odd juggle of discomfort since they were essentially reminders of those terrible few months they spent trapped on the island and relief since they understood. They went through the same things and so Ralph didn't feel so bad when those memories suddenly came flashing back to him, plus he had someone to speak to whenever things got hard and he felt himself start losing control all over again. He never had to pretend around them and because of that Ralph felt better than he has in a very long time.

Ralph moved the brown paper bag in his hands from one arm to the other as he lifted his right hand to ring the doorbell. The fair-haired-now twenty-seven year old-man raked a hand through his hair as he waited in the empty hall way until the green door he stood before suddenly opened and the man on the other side blinked in surprise before giving him a warm smile.

"Ralph, back so soon?"

Piggy was different.

He'd lost quite a bit of weight over the past fifteen years. After all the difficulties he endured on the island Piggy had somewhat of a wakeup call and stopped taking sweets from his auntie's shop. He ate healthier and took up swimming to get into shape. It got to the point where he didn't need his inhaler as much anymore, although Ralph knew for a fact that he kept one in the nightstand beside his bed.

After all Ralph isn't the only one that has night terrors on occasion.

"I just wanted to stop by for a drink," Ralph said as he held out the bag in his arms that held a bottle of whiskey with a small smile, "I'm not interrupting am I Pat?"

Patrick is Piggy's real name, Ralph and most of his friends called him Pat although Samneric called him _Trick_ when it was just Ralph around. They never called him Piggy since that nickname was just another reminder of all that went wrong when they were younger. It worked the same way with Samneric.

Their nickname took away a part of their identities, they used to love being compared to one another, that feeling of sameness they always had but after what happened, Sam and Eric wanted to be their own people. Eric even dyed his hair blonde so the differences were more prominent, although they still spent all their time together. Bad habits die hard and they had a small fear of what might happen if they were separated.

"Of course not, we were just about to sit down in front of the tellie." Patrick said as he stepped back, pushing the frame of his glasses up his nose as Ralph stepped inside and handed him the bag. "Sit down the other two will probably be out in a minute."

Ralph nodded as he took off his coat and put it on the hanger beside the door while Patrick turned and made his way back into the kitchen. There was a bit of a chill outside so Ralph rubbed his arms a bit to get some warmth back into them as he walked into the living room and settled onto the single sofa near the corner of the room beside the loveseat and noticed that the television was already on.

It's almost seven o'clock so the news should be on soon, also meaning that Ralph missed dinner but he already grabbed something to eat on the way over so he wasn't hungry anyway.

"It's good to see you mate." Ralph looked up to find Eric entering the room with a bright smile on his face.

"It's good to see you too Eric." As the other man walked further into the room, Ralph noticed how the roots of his hair were starting to turn black while the longer ends of blonde hair brushed up against the collar of his grey shirt just above an old scar that had healed but hadn't faded away quite yet. Ralph knew that there were more underneath his shirt. Hundreds of tiny little patches of skin that were caused that night all those years ago when Patrick's body was taken away from the waves and the twins were left in the mercy of Roger. Both twins were dealing with the scars in different ways. For the most part, emotionally they both seemed to have accepted and made some resemblance of peace with what was done to them, physically however they dealt with the scars in different ways. Eric mostly just kept them covered with clothes although it was never to an obsessive extent; just enough for him to feel comfortable in public without worrying about someone noticing them while Sam-

"Ralph, I didn't know you'd be coming for a visit." As Eric walked around the love seat and plop down Sam walked in behind him. Despite the fact that his hair looked more or less the same Sam's change in appearance still looked more drastic than his brother's. His hair was still black cut short with a few loose locks falling over his forehead. But what really caught your eye was the dozens of tattoos scattered over his arms and chest, each of which covered one of his scars. He kept them covered in long sleeved shirts for work during the day. They were all different and done mostly in black and blue ink so Ralph wasn't exactly sure about what they all meant but there was one that Sam had on his right shoulder a few inches away from where his heart would be. For the moment Sam's black shirt covered the tattoo but Ralph has seen it and it didn't take much to figure out what it was meant to represent.

It was a tattoo of the Greek goddess Athena with her hands together, cradling a bright warm flame.

"Oh, well there was nothing better to do so I figured I could just pop in." Ralph explained easily with a smile and Sam just nodded as he tapped his brother's shoulder, "Where's Trick?"

"Kitchen probably." Eric shrugged as he lay back against the sofa and Sam nodded as he left the room. They stopped speaking in unison although you could tell that they still somehow knew what the other was going to say before they said it, which worked out well since they didn't work at the same place so speaking in half sentences could be a bit inconvenient.

Eric worked as a manager at a restaurant down town and Sam worked as a bartender uptown.

"How've you been?" Eric asked once Sam had disappeared around the corner into the hall way and Ralph shrugged as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, "It's been alright, works been keeping me busy so there's not much to say really. What about you lot?"

"Same as always, although… you won't believe who I ran into two days ago."

"Who?"

Eric almost seemed to swallow as he looked down into his lap, "Do you still remember Maurice?"

Ralph couldn't help but tense at the name but he nodded all the same, "Uh yeah, yeah I remember him. He was in the choir right with…"

Ralph didn't finish his sentence and Eric nodded, "Right. He-uhm… I ran into him at the train station. Apparently Jack Merridew lived with his wife and parents in the next town over and one of the train stops is here. Maurice plans on staying in town until the funeral. He asked if we'd be going as well but, I'm not sure. I mean we only knew him from that one time and that was…"

Eric trailed off but he didn't need to finish for Ralph to understand what he meant. Colonel Jack Merridew passed on about two weeks ago due to a bomb exploding on base during a surprise attack from natives on enemy soil. It was big news since there were more than sixty casualties, so Ralph read about it in the papers the morning after the story broke. From what he heard, Jack joined the army straight after high school, just months after marrying his so called high school sweetheart. It was quite a tragic affair, with news reporters taking pictures and doing interviews with his parents and longtime friends. Unfortunately the tragedy started losing a bit of its sympathy towards the army man after rumors were leaked that Elizabeth Merridew, Jack's wife, had been suffering through violent bouts of domestic abuse in the short time that she and Jack had married at her husband's hands. It would seem that after the redhead left the island he never got the help he needed to move past the events that he not only experienced but orchestrated as well and as a result things didn't end well for the young man.

"Are you going?"

Eric suddenly asked and Ralph just stared at the other for a full moment before just shaking his head no and Eric made a noise of understanding as he spoke. "Trick wants to go."

Ralph frowned, "What, why?"

Eric shook his head, "He said it's a good opportunity to get closure. The nightmares, he still has them a lot, he thinks it'll get better if he finds a way to close the book on Jack Merridew."

"I thought he had nightmares about-"

"It wasn't just him; you remember how foul the others treated him don't you? _He_ might've tried to kill Patrick but Jack tried to break his spirit. That's not easy to move on from."

Ralph watched the other man for a moment before giving a slight nod. At times it almost seemed as if Jack hated Piggy, hated him with a passion although it didn't seem all that apparent as to why he felt that way. Yes, the chubby boy wasn't exactly popular among the boys on the island but he certainly didn't warrant the kind of anger that Jack always seemed to have against him.

"So you're going."

It was a statement not a question. Ralph didn't need to ask if Sam and Eric _were_ going. If Patrick went then that meant that they were all going. They were inseparable after all, with the one exception of work of course. At times this made Ralph feel a bit uneasy, this closeness that the three seemed to share that he could never really fully understand but he never said anything about it. It's this closeness that helped them move on and get through tough times; we all have our methods of coping, so Ralph wasn't going to judge Sam, Eric and Patrick on their ways when he still sees a psychologist twice a month every month.

"Yeah." Eric answered as he leaned back and stared at the television, "I think it'll be alright as long as _he_ doesn't show up. Plus Maurice said that there'll be lots of people what with Jack being a war veteran and all, it shouldn't be too awkward."

Maybe, but Ralph isn't sure; it could be a good question to ask miss Richards in his next session. She already knew about his visits with Patrick, Sam and Eric and according to her that was a good step in the right direction and again Ralph has been feeling a lot better since he started seeing them. But to show up at Jack's funeral of all things?

"Yeah, I suppose it wouldn't."

"Right then, what are we talking about?" Sam suddenly asked and Ralph looked up to see the other twin walk in to sit on the opposite side of the couch with Eric while Patrick walked in after him with a tray that held a tea pot and four cups instead of whiskey and Ralph was almost disappointed for a moment when Eric answered, "The funeral."

Sam tensed and Patrick blinked in surprise, "Are you going Ralph?"

Ralph shook his head, "Oh, I'm not sure. I'll have to think about it."

"Well if you do decide to go then we could all take the train together. If we leave early we ought to make it on time." Patrick said thoughtfully for a moment as he pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose before just shaking his head as he gave Ralph a smile, "Biscuits, Ralph? Sam and Eric don't really like sweets but Aunt Gertrude sent a whole tin over and they'll go bad if someone doesn't help me eat them."

"Absolutely." Ralph said with a sigh and a smile at the change in subject before he made to stand up, "Mind if I use your bathroom real quick."

Eric gave a snort, "You realize that you practically live here right? You don't have to ask mate."

Sam and Patrick chuckled as Patrick left the room and Ralph rolled his eyes as he got up, "I suppose I'm expected to pay rent then?"

"It would help if you stopped mooching off of us yeah."

"Prat." Ralph said as he reached out to swat the back of Eric's head as he walked passed and Eric just ducked out of the way and laughed. Ralph smiled as he made his way down the hallway and into the bathroom down the hall. Despite everything that happened, it feels good being around Sam, Eric and Patrick so Ralph can admit that he's thought about leaving his apartment up town and just moving in with his friends. The apartment was big enough and the guest room was basically his room anyway since he'd usually sleep there whenever they drank too much and he needed a place to crash and he knew that they certainly wouldn't say no if he just asked. But at the same time Ralph wasn't sure.

Again, Sam, Eric and Patrick had this odd closeness made Ralph feel oddly uncomfortable so the idea of moving in with them only made him feel worse. Like he'd be intruding on them if he decided to try that so it would be best if he just stayed in his own place.

Ralph let out a sigh at the thought but still quickly used the toilet before washing his hands and making his way back out into the living room only to find it empty.

They must be in the kitchen.

Ralph looked down at the four tea cups and the steam rising from the pot and gave a slight pout before turning towards the kitchen to try and persuade Patrick to bring out the whiskey instead so they could have a drink since he'd so been looking forward to sharing the whiskey with his friends, only to freeze when he got to the doorway.

Patrick stood beside the counter on the other side of the kitchen with a cake tin in one hand, carefully shaking the biscuits inside out onto the plate before him while Eric stood behind the other man with his arms wrapped around his waist as he leaned over Patrick's shoulder rocking from side to side. Ralph quickly moved so he was hidden behind the wall as he watched the scene, although it didn't seem all that odd or strange.

They're friends aren't they? And they've been living together ever since they finished high school, so forgoing the concept of personal space really shouldn't be all that surprising.

"I don't know," Pat started letting out a soft sigh, "I don't want him to be uncomfortable."

"He won't be." Sam answered from the other side of the kitchen where he stood looking inside of the open fridge and Patrick sighed again, "You don't know that."

"And neither do you." Eric said easily as he pressed a kiss onto the shorter man's neck and Ralph's eyes went wide. "Besides, he must've noticed something by now. Honestly, he's here all the time, if he hasn't noticed something yet then he's absolutely oblivious and he probably never will."

"We just want you to be happy Trick." Sam said as soon as he emerged from the fridge with what looked like a container of cream before shutting the fridge as he walked over to set the cream down on the counter.

"I just…" Patrick paused to push the frame of his glasses up his nose, "He seems so lonely and I can't remember the last time he said he was going out with a girl or any other friends. I thought it could be nice if he lived here. But I don't want to make things awkward."

"If you want Ralph here then ask him to move in, If you don't then don't say anything. Ralph's a great bloke and an even better friend and we'll always care about him. But we love you more so it's your call." Sam said as he leaned in and pressed a kiss right on the shorter man's lips lingering a little to deepen it and Ralph could feel his cheeks flush at the exact same time as Patrick's as he watched the scene continue. Sam broke the kiss and pulled away to walk over towards the cupboards as he spoke, "Just think about it first, love."

Patrick sighed with a nod and Eric just kept rocking back and forth when his hands started drifting over the shorter man's frame and Pat's blush went a shade darker as he squeaked, setting the tin down to smack Eric's hands away, "Don't… not now Eric. Ralph's here remember?"

"Wait, does that mean that if Ralph moves in then neither of us can have our way with you?" Eric said leaning over Patrick's side with a frown, "Because if so then I vote against him living here."

"I second that." Sam said and Patrick rolled his eyes as he adjusted his glasses. "Haha very funny."

"We're not joking."

Ralph immediately turned back to quickly take his seat on the couch as his heart pounded in his chest and he tried to process what he just saw.

Sam, Patrick and Eric were… they were.

Dear God, Ralph couldn't even think it, in fact Ralph wasn't sure what to think at all.

Homose-… that wasn't something that was often spoken of in polite conversation. In fact it was frowned upon in England, but for them to not only be in a relationship like that but in a relationship like that all together?

The idea was inconceivable.

Ralph was shocked but at the same time he-

He's upset, yes Ralph is upset, but somehow Ralph wasn't angry or even disgusted even though he knew that such things were frowned upon and never spoken of in polite conversation. He didn't mind that they were together… like that, they're his friends and he really does care for them so much, part of him even feels a little happy that their together but the rest of him was still very very shocked.

Only now that he thinks about it, it was sort of obvious. Now that he's actually _thinking_ about it, Ralph realizes that there were signs. So many many signs that he somehow just dismissed as them just choosing to stick together so they could cope with all that's happened to them. But in hindsight, he really should have realized a lot sooner.

He should've noticed from the way they looked at each other, and the way they touched. How Sam and Eric were always hovering and so overly protective of Patrick and how Patrick's eyes filled with such warmth when they did. It was all painfully obvious.

Was he really that oblivious to it all?

"Right then Ralph?" Ralph jumped when he suddenly heard Eric speak and his head snapped back to stare at the blonde twin earning a frown from the other and Ralph swallowed hard as he quickly nodded his head, "Yeah, Yeah I'm fine."

Eric arched a brow at him but didn't say anything else as he settled on the love seat just as Sam and Patrick walked in.

"News started yet?" Patrick asked as he started pouring the tea while Sam sat down at the couch as well and Eric shook his head, "About to though."

"Oh alright." Patrick said and Ralph watched as he poured them tea handing one cup to him before doing the same with Sam and Eric and sitting down with his own. They started talking about this and that and Ralph tried to seem as normal as possible even as he watched the three interact almost as if he were seeing them for the first time. Once they'd finished their tea, Sam picked up the tray and took it into the kitchen while Patrick settled back on the couch with his head on Eric's shoulder just before Sam came back and Patrick let his legs rest on his lap.

Sam drew circles around on his legs and Eric played with the shorter man's strawberry blond hair and Ralph wondered how on earth he missed all of… this!

" _Breaking news."_

Ralph looked up at the television when he suddenly realized that the news has been on for the past ten minutes.

" _After years of terrorizing innocent citizens in the London area, the head roast killer; a serial killer who targeted young women between the ages of nineteen to thirty years of age was finally identified and apprehended in the downtown area. Roger Andrews was arrested in an apartment he'd been renting for the past three years,"_

Patrick gasped and the twins tensed while Ralph held his breath as the image of a young man appeared in the left hand corner of the screen. His hair was black, short and messy with the darkest eyes that any of them have ever seen in their entire lives. His dark eyes.

"Roger…" Ralph breathed, Sam and Eric almost seemed to move instinctively as they both moved closer to the shorter man between them.

" _Neighbors had been complaining about strange noises coming from the apartment, the landlord would address all of these noise complaints and Mr. Andrews would comply by keeping the noise down. It wasn't till a few hours ago that neighbors reported a strange smell coming from the apartment after Andrews came to stay for the week the way he usually did every month only this time he stayed a whole five days longer than normal. The landlord responded to the complaints on the supposedly "road kill" like smell by immediately calling the authorities and police were shocked to find three severed heads all of which were staked and set in the living room. Two of the heads, were clearly the cause of the smell as they were in the midst of decomposition while the other was still fresh with blood dripping down the stake onto the floor. The head roast killer, so named because of the killer's m.o which consisted of killing each victim by decapitating them while they were still alive before leaving the scene of the crime and leaving the victim's heads in various public places all around the city. There were a total of thirty victims, some of the victims were raped or sodomised in the midst of these attacks while others were merely killed and their bodies left where the attacks occurred. Prosecutors say that while they are yet to begin a trial, they are adamant that they have found the man who has terrorized so many innocent people over the past ten years and that citizens can now rest easy, knowing that this deranged psychopath can terrorize them no more. Authorities say that they will release more information to the public as soon as-"_

Eric had gotten up from his seat to shut off the television as he took a deep breath and raked a hand through his hair.

Ralph was shaking, he heard about the killings, read about it in the papers and watched the news. The victims' heads were severed, and staked just the way that Jack and the hunters used to hunt and kill pigs on the island. Ralph tried not to think about it too much, but now that he knows it was Roger in all of those news reports. The pictures of those girls who were attacked and killed, it all started making way too much sense for comfort.

"Thank God." Patrick finally said with a sigh of relief as he wrapped his arms around Sam's waist a little tighter and Ralph was sure he heard a sob. Sam nodded as he held the other tighter, "Yeah, it's over now."

Ralph raked a hand through his hair and nodded his head, "Yeah, it's finally over."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ralph was about to leave but then Patrick asked him to stay.

Things were still a bit tense after the news broadcast, with Ralph's body still shaking with tremors while Sam started pacing along the room after Eric took his place by Patrick's side. They tried to distract themselves talking about lots of other little things like work and Patrick's aunt Gertrude coming for a visit the following week but it didn't help much. So Eric announced that he was tired and was heading for bed and Sam gave a strained smile as he echoed his twin brother's thoughts. Ralph took that as his cue to leave and immediately got up to grab his coat, when Patrick stopped him short and asked if they could have a chat before he left, so he stayed.

Not that he particularly wanted to leave since he didn't really want to be alone right at that moment but he knew how to take a hint and didn't want to intrude on his friends, of course Patrick seemed completely oblivious.

Ralph braced his arms on the balcony as he looked down over the city, taking in deep breaths of the cool night air while listening to the traffic going by down below.

This is where he and Pat usually go to sit and just talk. There were some things Patrick didn't want to discuss with the twins, things he couldn't stop thinking about or that bothered him that he felt he shouldn't burden Sam and Eric with. Memories of things that happened on the island or sometimes just some of his own insecurities and Ralph would do the same and he always felt better afterwards.

They even spoke about the night that Simon died, admitted to things they'd only ever admitted to in therapy. That night still haunts them more than any memory of Roger or Jack or the supposed beast that lived on the island. Simon's dark terrified eyes as he screamed in pain while the other boys just continued to scream and dance and stab and kick. They'll never forget that night; no matter how hard they try, so they'd talk about it. They'd hold each other close and sob or sometimes Ralph would scream until his throat felt raw. The memories never went away, but it helped a little.

Ralph didn't really have any friends worth mentioning and Patrick spent most of his time with the twins anyway.

At this point Pat's his best friend.

"Lovely night isn't it?" Ralph looked back over his shoulder to see Patrick step over the threshold leading to the balcony outside with what looked like a shoe box clutched underneath his left arm and two tumblers filled to the brim with whiskey in each hand.

The blonde let out a heavy sigh since he really needed a drink and Patrick chuckled when Ralph took a glass to swallow one large gulp, "Thirsty mate?"

"You have no idea." Ralph said only just noticing the bottle filled with amber liquid that Patrick had clutched in his other arm as he set it down on the ground along with the box before pulling the sliding door shut behind him as he went to stand by his friend's side. "I just, I'm still a little shaken up is all."

Patrick nodded as he took a smaller sip from his own drink, "Shocking isn't it? After all this time… I always knew Roger was trouble, but I never would have imagined… those poor girls. I got off lucky didn't I?"

"Roger was mental, always was. I think we all got off lucky." Ralph said honestly with a soft sigh, "If it hadn't been for that ship, something tells me even Jack wouldn't have been able to stop him."

Patrick hummed as he took another sip before placing the glass down on the balcony, letting his fingers slip over the cold glass as he stared at it when he suddenly spoke, "Are you going to his funeral, or are you still not sure yet."

Ralph shook his head, "No, I don't think I'm going."

"Why not?"

"We barely even knew the bloke Pat. He was a controlling bigoted bastard to all of us, especially you. I'm surprised you're even considering it."

Patrick sighed, "I don't think Jack Merridew was all he pretended to be, not really anyway."

Ralph frowned, "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Another sigh, Patrick let go of his glass and bent over to pick up the shoe box and set it down beside his drink. Ralph watched on with mild curiosity as the other opened up the box to reveal what looked like notes or letters. All written by hand, with lots of other small little trinkets littered between them on the inside.

"What are those?"

"Letters," Patrick chanced a glance up at his friend before he finished, "Letters from Jack."

"What?"

"I don't know how he found me, but he'd been sending me letters almost every week for the past five years before he died."

"Why?" Ralph asked unable to keep the incredulity from his voice while his expression remained in shock and Patrick sighed, "He, I think he just wanted someone to talk to. Don't think he got any help after leaving the island, from these I'm pretty sure Jack was still seriously damaged after he left."

"Did you write back?"

"At first… it was just to tell him to stop I honest, but then…"

Ralph watched as the shorter man fingered the pages scattered in the box and reached in before he could stop himself to roughly grab a handful out of the box, but Patrick didn't try to stop him either.

 _Piggy_

 _I hate you. I hate your stupid fat face and your ugly glasses. I should've gotten rid of you when I still had the chance. It's your fault I'm like this. I'll never be normal and it's all because of you and that pretty boy boyfriend of yours._

 _I hate you!_

 _I hope you die!_

 _I wish Roger had killed you that night on the cliff! This is all your fault!_

Ralph glanced up at Patrick but the other man didn't say a word as he just stared out over the city, slowly sipping from his drink. Ralph flipped to the next one and then the next. They all seemed to be the same.

 _Fat Pig_

 _It's not fair; I'm not supposed to be this way._

 _You turned me into this. I swear, one day I'll get you back for what you've done. You'll pay for this Piggy._

There were insults and death threats; Jack was threatening to do the most terrible of things.

"Do Sam and Eric know about this?"

Patrick shook his head, "No they have no reason to and you're not going to tell them." Patrick said sternly as Ralph opened his mouth to protest. "He's dead Ralph what's the point in telling them now?"

Ralph took a deep breath and started flipping through the letters again and they were all more or less the same with Jack threatening to do something horrible of just blaming him for some unknown reason. Ralph couldn't understand exactly what it was that Jack was hoping to achieve besides scaring the living daylights out of the poor boy but then he remembered a technique that his therapist taught him as a child. She told him to write letters, to the people on the island. To Jack, Roger and the other boys letters in which he tells them how he felt and things that he wished he'd managed to say when they were still there. It was meant to help him purge of all those thoughts and feelings that lingered on after they left the island. He even wrote a letter to Simon, begging for forgiveness and expressing his guilt over what they'd done that night he was killed. It would seem that that was what Jack was doing in these letters to Patrick. Venting his anger and rage as a way of purging his feelings and moving on passed them.

But those letters aren't meant to be sent.

Miss Richards told him that those letters were for his benefit and no one else's so after he wrote the letters he'd read them before tearing them up and burning them and Ralph can admit that technique had helped him quite a bit when he was younger but he never had the desire to actually send any of those letters to the recipients that were still alive.

What on earth was Jack thinking?

He could have gone to jail for all of the things he threatened to do.

The next few letters were less scathing and less of them were actually directed at Patrick surprisingly enough. They were letters about other people. Jack complained about his parents and his wife Elizabeth, he'd boast about all the progress he was making in the military and the things they did whenever they were deployed. Soon enough the letters almost seemed like letters that Jack was writing to an old friend, a friend that he trusted and cared for deeply as he expressed all of his wishes and dreams. Jack admitted to the things he feared and his regret in marrying Elizabeth so soon after graduating from high school.

Ralph frowned

It was right in the middle of these thoughts that Ralph picked up another letter and this one was so shocking he had cleaned out his glass and sat down on the ground, with wide eyes and a gaped mouth.

 _Dear Patrick_

 _I never knew that was your real name, I mean, after finding out where you lived I didn't really care much for anything else. I just wanted to talk to you so nothing else mattered. But Patrick suits you, I like Patrick._

 _I'm being redeployed in a few weeks. Elizabeth keeps complaining about the fact that I'm never home but she doesn't understand, she'll never understand what it's like. If I can't go out there and do what needs to be done, then I'll turn on her and I don't like hurting her. She's just so frustrating, she never listens. She's not like you._

 _I still remember what it was like on the island. You always listened and followed the rules no matter what, even after we turned into two tribes. You were good, obedient. I hated the way you always did what Ralph did, following him around so blindly even after I took your glasses away. You only ever listened to him and I hated you for it._

 _Why were you always with him?_

Alright, that was new.

Patrick came down and sat in front of him refilling his glass before doing the same with his own as Ralph moved on to the next letter.

 _Dear Patrick_

 _I keep dreaming about you. I always see your eyes._

 _I always forget what they looked like when I'm awake but when I dream I see them clear enough. Bright hazel and beautiful, much prettier than Elizabeth's eyes. Every time I dream about you I see the island, what you might look like now. I wish I could have touched you back then or kissed you just once. I touch myself when I think about you sometimes late at night when Elizabeth's asleep. It feels wonderful but I can help but think of what it would be like with you right there with me._

 _Sometimes I wonder if you ever let Ralph touch you like that, back on the island or even now. I remember you sitting with him on the plane back to London. You didn't see the way he stared at you when you fell asleep. It was sick; I wanted to kill him for staring at you like that. It wasn't fair, still isn't fair._

 _I never get what I want. I wanted to be chief on the island, I wanted to be in charge, I wanted to be the one to save us but he got it. He got all of it. Now he has you too doesn't he? That fat pig, I hope he dies._

Ralph just stared at the letter with wide eyes before looking up at Patrick who had a strangely peaceful look on his face and he couldn't help but breathe.

"Oh my God, he was obsessed with you wasn't he? Patrick, why didn't you call the police?"

Patrick sighed as he shook his head, "It's not me he was obsessed with."

"What?"

The shorter man took off his glasses and looked up at the other, "What color are my eyes Ralph?"

"Blue."

"Exactly not hazel or any shade of brown." Patrick said sliding his glasses back onto his nose before piercing the man in his stare as he spoke, "But yours are."

Ralph froze, "What are you talking about?"

"I told my psychologist, Mrs. Wright about the letters she nearly had a heart attack after reading them but she agreed with my theory about why Jack kept writing to me." Patrick took a sip from his glass, "He wasn't really writing them for me he was writing them for you."

"I don't understand."

"Mrs. Wright says it's called, projecting. She says it possible that the first few letters were meant for me, but after a while Jack started getting comfortable and started telling me secrets. No matter what he wrote, his secrets stayed safe so he started trusting me, the trust caused him to… well she says he was projecting an imaginary relationship with me I never did anything to stop it so he kept going thinking that it was alright and that I might have felt the same."

"That's exactly why you should have gone to the police." Ralph growled out and Patrick sighed. "That's hardly the point here Ralph."

"Then what is the point?"

"In all the letters he always mentions you, it's never just me and when he described me, sometimes he gets it right but most of the time he doesn't." Patrick said shuffling through the box he'd taken with him to sit with on the floor of the balcony before pulling one out, "In this one he talks about watching us in the pond, he mentions me once and then goes on and on about you and how you looked in the water. In this one he talks about the meetings, how good and obedient I was before ranting on and on about you and everything you'd do and say, in this one he talks about the fires, complaining about the fact that I always sat next to you and how he hated the way you'd look at me. Every time he mentions me he calls my eyes brown when they're actually blue."

"So what you think Jack was in love with me?" Ralph asked incredulously and Patrick only seemed to stare at him and the blonde gaped, "Are you insane?!"

"We both know the answer to that."

"He wrote these letters to you, went looking for your address, if I was the one he was obsessed with then why not look for mine?"

"Because Jack saw what Roger did all those years ago; I was an easy target." Patrick sighed, "Having those kinds of feelings for another boy. That isn't easy Ralph, not now and not back then. I think the island made things a little easier because there weren't any adults and there weren't any rules so he could do anything he wanted there."

"He tried to kill me." Ralph bit out as he thought back bitterly to that last day on the island and Patrick took a deep breath, "Before that he was always trying to get your attention, remember with the pigs and the hunts. He even offered to let you join his tribe."

"He was a control freak."

"You kept resisting him and I was always in the way. Mrs. Wright says the reason he went after me and not you is because I was the lesser of two evils. Like he knew I wouldn't write back or retaliate so he wrote to me, he could do anything and I wouldn't fight back. Eventually, I don't know he confused his feelings for you for feelings of me and well, this happened." Patrick said lifting one of the letters up only to drop it back into the box and Ralph swallowed hard as he glared down at it. "Why are you telling me this now?"

"I don't know." Patrick said with a soft snort, "I had planned on taking this with me to the grave since you've already been through so much. We all have and Jack… I felt sorry for him, he never got any help the way that we did. He never got to move on so I wanted to try and keep this quiet. But then I found out about the funeral and I just." The shorter man sighed, "I know the twins don't want to go and I don't want to force them to go if they don't want to. But I need closure and these have been eating away at me for the longest time, I just couldn't keep the secret anymore."

Ralph didn't say anything, instead taking large gulps from his glass before grabbing the bottle to refill it and Patrick watched him until the blonde just raked a hand through his hair as he spoke. "I literally have no idea what to say."

Patrick gave a snort, "Yeah I figured."

"You should have told me about these sooner."

"He wrote most of these on tour and the others… what would you have done? Stormed over to his house and demanded answers. Do you honestly think he would have given you any?" Patrick sighed, "He would have denied it all Ralph and you know it."

"You should have done something."

"I wrote back a few times, at first to tell him to stop writing and then I tried talking to him about it asking him about his feelings but after the third letter his wife wrote back." Patrick sighed, "Ranting and raving, I think she thought Jack was having an affair and Piggy was his mistress's alias."

Ralph lifted up a letter and cringed, "If you think about it you were his mistress. The things he wrote about doing to you-"

"Doing to you." Patrick corrected and Ralph sighed all over again, "I'm still not sure if I believe that."

"I'm not even sure if it matters anymore, now that he's gone." Patrick paused to look up at his friend, "If he were alive, what would you do?"

Ralph blinked in surprise and just stared at his friend for a full moment with nothing but the sounds of the traffic below until he just shook his head, "I don't know."

"I think, I'd go see him." Patrick admitted, "I think actually seeing me in person might have helped him snap out of it, maybe realize that I'm not the one he wanted."

"Or it might've made things worse and he might have… he could have-" Ralph didn't want to say it and Patrick frowned. "He was bad but he wasn't as bad as Roger."

"Yes he was."

"You really hate him don't you?"

"You weren't around for that last bit." Ralph said sadly as he looked up at his friend, "After I-we lost you, you didn't see what he did. I hate that he might've been thinking about you that way but the thought that he felt that way about me and that's why he treated you the way he did makes me feel sick."

"It happened, but it's over now. You have to move passed it. You can't keep holding onto those feelings Ralph, they'll eat away at you if you do."

Ralph looked away to take a drink from his glass as Patrick continued, "After we left the island. I hated them too. I hated them because they made me scared, I never used to be afraid of the dark before but now I can't fall asleep unless Sam or Eric is with me. But I refuse to suffer because of what happened, because as bad as they were, it wasn't their fault. Jack and Roger, what happened was terrible and maybe, maybe they've always been bad but hating them won't help me one bit. It won't help you either Ralph. We were all just kids back then, victims of an awful situation. Hatred and anger won't fix anything. It's best to just move on."

"And going to his funeral is your way of moving on?"

"It's my way of finding closure." Patrick admitted, "And maybe wish him well in his next life… if there even is such a thing."

Ralph sighed, "You think going will help me too?"

"Don't know really." Patrick shrugged, "But you're my friend Ralph and I want you to be happy. So it I suppose, take it as a suggestion."

Ralph scoffed, raising his eyebrows up and down as he took a sip from his glass, "I'll think about it."

Patrick gave a small smile as he got up on his knees to stand up, "It's getting late, I should probably be off to bed."

Ralph blinked in surprise, "Right, yeah I should get going too-" Just as he made to stand up Patrick spoke, "With the way you've been drinking, I'm thinking you'd be better off spending the night here."

"I don't… I mean, I don't want to impose-"

"Oh shut it, we all know you're practically living here now as it is and… I really wouldn't mind if you decided to make this permanent. If you wanted to of course." Patrick said that last bit quietly and Ralph couldn't help but feel his chest warm a bit at the offer and he smiled, "Actually, I'd love to mate."

"That's brilliant." Patrick beamed a bright warm smile as he moved forward to wrap Ralph in a hug surprising the taller man for a moment before he hugged back and he couldn't help but take in a deep breath as before Patrick pulled back and pressed a kiss on his cheek, causing his skin to flush. "The bedroom's already set up so-"

"Are Sam and Eric alright with this?" Ralph blurted out and Patrick just stared back in confusion as he finished and his blush got a little darker, "I mean, I don't want to intrude since you three are so…close and all."

Patrick frowned when his eyes filled with realization and he flushed the same color as Ralph as he stuttered out, "No, no they won't mind… do you mind that we're… well we're so _close_."

Ralph just smiled with a shake of his head, "Like you said, we're friends and I want you to be happy."

Patrick nodded, immediately moving in for another hug before squeezing tight, "Thank you Ralph."

"You're welcome."

Patrick pulled back and stood up before turning towards the door, "When you come in, make sure to lock the door. The draft makes Sam nervous reminds him of… you know."

"Yeah, I know. Goodnight Pat."

"Goodnight Ralph."

With that Patrick left the balcony shutting the door behind him and Ralph let out a heavy sigh as he stared down at the box before him for a moment when something suddenly caught his eye. The blonde reached in and paused when he pulled out a broken pair of spectacles with one of the lenses missing from the frame and a letter fell out onto his lap.

The last time he saw these, Jack had them. How on earth did Patrick get them?

The date on the letter was recent, maybe a few weeks before Jack died. There wasn't much written on it but somehow that one letter made all the others seem unimportant irrelevant in comparison.

 _Dear Patrick_

 _Tell Ralph I'm sorry._

Ralph stared at that one piece of paper for what felt like eternity, not moving and barely even breathing when he suddenly felt something tickling down his face only to blink when a single tear drop landed on the paper. The blonde took a deep shuddering breath, wiping his face off with the back of his hand before giving a sniff as he put the letters and the spectacles in the box and closing it as he grabbed the bottle and glass beside him as he got up and walked back inside.

 **The End**

 **A/N:**

 **Yup**

 **Please review**


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